I am a bad sleeper. As long as I remember, I’ve always been a bad sleeper. As a child, I’d watch other people climb into bed and fall asleep right away and I’d be amazed. How did they do that? What was their trick? Did they pretend to sleep for hours on end until they finally actually fell asleep? How did they get their breathing to even out so fast? Why weren’t they tossing and turning.
(side note: I didn’t, you know. Watch people sleep as a habit. Just like at slumber parties or my mother on occasion or something. I’d be up for hours after everyone else fell asleep with nothing to do. But I didn’t crawl into people’s room just to watch them sleep.)
Anyway, a few years ago, my dreams got so bad that what little sleep I did get didn’t allow me to rest. So, a psychiatrist suggested Ambien because a) it’s not normal regularly fall asleep an hour or two after you go to bed no matter what time or how tired you are and b) having dreams so intense they leave you exhausted is also not a good thing.
So, yeah. I take Ambien to help me get to sleep. But, I still need some detox time to let the drug take effect. During that time, I read, mostly. And, mostly I read fanfiction (or fiction) I wrote, since I forget a chunk of what I read. Some nights I write and it’s scary because you can see my falling under as I lost coherence and handwriting ability. And some nights I draw.
Last night was a drawing night.
I drew this first. I was exhausted all day yesterday and my chest felt weird. I think I was having palpitations or something (not serious, just little skip-beats) and it felt like my heart was tired. So I drew this to illustrate that.
Next, I drew this. This is the butterfly on the front cover of my journal. I decided to copy it, but I was unhappy with the blue (it was too electric) and then I thought it might be running out. So, I just stopped. I do that a lot. Just stop something.
So, yeah. My drawings. At least this time I remembered. Once I drew something, forgot, remembered it as a dream, then found the drawing. It was weird.
Next time, I’ll write about my terrifying nightmare that I had last night.